Isn’t it nice, those moments when life feels easy? Things flow smoothly, you feel a sense of balance and circumstances just don’t seem too difficult? While these moments certainly provide a nice break and sometimes, especially these days, feel much too rare, I also know that there are many gifts that come with challenge - those times when things don’t feel so easy. As I’ve gone deeper and deeper on this journey of healing, I have become much more aware of the many layers of hidden, suppressed, subconscious wounds, beliefs and traumas that inform the functioning of our bodies, as well as our mental and emotional patterns and habits. These ingrained ways of being stay in control until they are rooted out, brought into awareness and consciously shifted. But how, you might ask, can we bring things into awareness that are not in our conscious minds? Though there are a variety of methods, one key way life supports us in doing this is through challenge.
 
One of the main ways that I view my life’s journey is through the lens of self- and soul-growth. I definitely believe that we choose to incarnate into this earthly body with one of the main objectives being learning, growth and evolution. I suppose I often get a little too hung up on this point, as certainly there are other objectives too, including just experience of all kinds – experiencing joy, pleasure, pain, separation, love, relationship – but I digress. Coming from the perspective that we have chosen to be here and that we are here to learn and grow gives us a way to more fully understand the purpose of challenge and suffering in our lives, and offers us the opportunity to tune into trust, right timing and an expanded perspective. It gives meaning to the places where we might otherwise curl up in a ball and want to quit, or get hung up on the idea that life or the world is out to get us. When we know that all that we go through is happening for a reason, it makes it so much easier to bear. We can choose to feel like heroes in our lives, persevering and staying the course, rather than becoming victims and/or giving up. Though we often may forget, wondering why life has to be so hard, from this perspective, challenge is supporting our growth, rather than getting in the way of it.
 
In addition to being a powerful tool in supporting our overall growth as a soul, challenge can serve us more specifically as well. When things are easy, when we feel we are flowing with life, all those habits, beliefs, wounds and traumas that reside in our subconscious and take up space in our body are generally pretty quiet. We may not notice them or forget they are even there. As long as we feel at ease, we are lulled into a peace that may make us think our work is done, our wounds are healed and we have evolved. The moment this gets challenged though – we are triggered, we get sick, something goes wrong - we realize the truth: there is a lot more stuff in there for us to work on! And we would never be made aware of it without it being stirred up, brought to the surface, and sometimes, not-so subtly shoved in our face. Every time something comes up in our lives, it is an opportunity to see, resolve and heal. We are given these opportunities, again and again, to face our issues, to deal with the stuff we are carrying and to heal it piece-by-piece, mainly through experiences that challenge us, feel difficult and bring up uncomfortable emotions. We need to be able to see it and feel it to heal it.
 
If we are truly here to experience though, then even our assessment of what circumstances or emotions are “difficult” or “challenging” loses meaning. These words are full of judgements and attachments, carrying our ideas about what is pleasant and unpleasant, what we want to feel and what we don’t. We’ve been taught that certain emotions are good and others bad, that we should all be striving for a life of abundance and ease and happiness. If we recognize that all of it is serving us, however, the good, the “bad”, the messy, the happy, the chaotic, then we can drop the judgement and value all experience for what it has to offer, even if it doesn’t always feel comfortable. We can stop trying to get “there” – wherever there is, and be present in the journey. Here is where the gold is. The messy, imperfect, non-dreamy present moment, which may feel uncomfortable, difficult or challenging.
 
It's not hard to imagine that at some point in the future, life could be easy. We’ll be set up to enjoy life, live comfortably and, finally, be able to relax. Ah, doesn’t that sound dreamy. Maybe. It also could be boring. AND, if you haven’t done your self-healing, and likely, even if you have, the universe may just have some surprises in store for you. It’s not going to stop offering you opportunities to heal, so try not to get too attached to that whole life-of-ease thing. Just when you sit back to relax, you’re likely to get gifted yet another opportunity to work through your stuff. It may not be easy, it may not always feel comfortable, but if we can fully experience it and take it in, rather than resist and avoid, we will heal, we will learn and we will grow. Allowing life to be what it is, challenge and all, is the only way we can ever hope to finally experience some peace.

I think few would argue with the fact that we live in a male-dominated world. And while this may be very obvious in certain areas of life, there are also many subtle, not-so-obvious ways that we, as women, are impacted. These influences, both conscious and subconscious, affect our values and behavior, how we view and judge ourselves, and often, serve to leach a lot of energy, as we try to conform to standards and behavior that just don’t fit. Most of us women have learned to not only ignore our natural ways of thinking and being, but also to devalue ourselves and our own skills and strengths. These influences come through not only our culture, but also, often, through our relationships with both self and others. It seems as if many of us don’t even recognize what normal feminine ways or being are, nor what feminine strength can truly look like. It makes me wonder how things could shift, both on a personal and cultural level if this changed. What if our gifts were valued and we were supported in feminine ways of being? This, of course, is a topic on which one could write about endlessly, as it is so deeply ingrained in our psyches on both a personal and cultural level. While this will be far from an exhaustive discussion, I felt compelled to share a few thoughts, and maybe just crack the egg open a bit wider, offering some perspective on the influences that affect us, as well as shape how we think about and value the feminine.
 
Despite some arguments to the contrary, it seems clear to me that men and women are not the same. And, while we don’t want to be demeaned or devalued for being different, we also don’t really want or need things to be exactly the same for everyone. We want things to make sense for each individual, based on biology, rhythms, and ways of thinking and being. And while everyone is unique, and everyone’s expression of their masculine and feminine qualities varies considerably, there are certain energies that can often be ascribed to those who feel, by majority, influenced and inspired in one direction or the other. Though I use the terms feminine, woman and women interchangeably here, I am generally referring to feminine principles, which all will experience in their own way.
 
The feminine, and we, as women, are used to adapting to masculine tendencies and male ways of being. Though this can be appropriate and natural in certain circumstances, there are many examples of ways in which our own needs are minimized, belittled or subverted as a result. One such example is the way our culture is totally oriented around the constant, daily, circadian rhythm of men. This seems perfectly normal to most of us, and yet, really, think about this. While male biology revolves around a 24-hour clock in regards to hormones, energy and appetites, a woman’s body has a much different cycle. Women’s cyclic and monthly rhythms affect every area of life, yet are generally completely neglected and/or ignored (if not mocked) in our larger culture. Despite their natural variability, women are expected to show up the same, being able to think, act, behave and produce in the same way, with the same energy, day in and day out. Based simply on our biology, this really isn’t a reasonable expectation for any of us, and certainly does not serve to honor our natural ways of being. Based on our cyclical nature, energy, emotions, abilities, strengths, the way we think and how we interact with others changes significantly from day-to-day and week-to-week. This is totally normal in biological terms, yet is something we are taught from a young age to down-play, hide and generally disregard as much as possible as we work to adapt to the 24-hour circadian world.
 
The feminine is also devalued and minimized throughout culture as a whole, as logic and reason are upheld as the way to think, plan and make decisions. This can be seriously damaging to the feminine mind and soul, as intuition, higher knowing, and feeling are such crucial components in our thinking and decision-making processes. We have been so trained to devalue these methods, treating them as totally subjective and invalid, that many of us get caught up in trying to justify our intuitions and feelings, or defend them in the realm of logic, rather than accepting them as equally valuable and relevant sources of information. Working within this framework not only undermines our self-confidence and keeps us playing small, stifles our creativity, and serves to limit the possibilities we see, but it devastates our ability to be in tune with who we truly are and to make decisions that carry us towards our own happiness and fulfillment.
 
Feminine energy is fluid, it is creative, it is constantly adapting. Our biology literally shifts on a daily basis, our feelings can turn on a dime, and we are constantly in energetic conversation with the people, energies and environments that surround us. Though all these things are often unrecognized and under-appreciated, they are at the root of feminine power. We NEED to have the freedom to move, shift and change. While masculine strength looks more like strength in body, mental fortitude and decisive action (which also have their use and value), feminine strength looks more like resilience, capacity for love, and incredible adaptability. We have the ability to bring through wild creativity and inspiration, which serves to support us in working with the curve-balls life throws us, and also, helps us survive in a changing world. This feels like a very important gift in these times.
 
Much of how the feminine is able to tap into this inspiration and resilience is through practices of being rather than doing. The masculine concept of productivity, has, as we all know, taken over our culture, and, for many of us, has become not only a way of life, but also a profound marker of our self-worth and feelings of self-value. People who are held up as achievers have generally accomplished a lot in the outer world, particularly in regards to the physical and material realms. By holding onto this idea of success, we, as a culture, have sacrificed so much. Self-worth and self-value have become based mainly on outer achievement, while the self and soul have been left largely neglected. This is the opposite of what the feminine soul needs. Feminine strength is grounded, rooted, connected and in relationship with people and the world. It is stillness, going within, and connecting with that unshakeable inner knowing; it is confidence, it is the mama bear, instinctively knowing how to care for and nurture self and others. How can we tap into this strength when we do not have time or space to tune in, have the awareness to value doing so and/or have to battle the rising tide of obligations and responsibilities to make space for these kinds of practices? It seems a feat of increasing difficulty and increasing importance, particularly if we are to salvage what remains of our ability to recognize and appreciate the true strength of the feminine.
 
I also recognize that stepping into this deep, dark feminine beingness often requires masculine support, or at least is greatly aided by it. Women are so incredibly strong, but we all need help. A truly strong man will support a woman in expressing strength according to her own nature, will see and value her for who she truly is and allow her to express her feminine nature in ways that are appropriate and unique to her soul. We need both the masculine and feminine on board for each to be able to express their own power and potency.  I in no way mean to diminish or demean the masculine (for it also has its own divine expression that has been devalued and dominated by many unhealthy cultural influences). I do, however, mean to lift up the feminine. It is time that we stop feeling bad about ourselves for being ourselves while hiding away the beautiful gifts we possess. Though there are certainly times the masculine and feminine must meet and work together, it should, in the majority, be a meeting on equal terms. As the feminine is more deeply honored, a new kind of strength, resilience and fluidity will emerge that is so needed in these ever-changing and turbulent times.